Cintamanicakra Avalokitesvara at Buddha Tooth Relic Temple (Singapore)
Sometimes have we ever give ourselves a thought of why do we get angry? Do we feel comfortable when someone is furious at us? Are we fond of short-tempered people? Why do things doesn’t get in the way which you have wanted? And do you think others find it pleasant when you are fuming? If the answer in our heart is NO. Then why do we sometimes find ourselves all worked up?
Knowing the difference between cause and trigger
Everything that are happening around us have a cause and effect. Therefore the cause is also call a trigger. What is a trigger? A trigger is something that sets the mind to an arousal stage where emotions boil. What is the result that comes after when a person who is unable to control emotion? Will anybody settle this in a peaceful way where each of the individual person have their own stands and belief systems.
Another part of the anger is the belief system of this person holds. What is a belief system? It’s through the experiences a person has and how these experiences impacted a person’s on the perspectives of life. In terms of a person’s family upbringing, values and relationship.
Why don’t we change our own’s perspectives and thinking why is the another party doing this way? How many of us out there really give this a first thought? Sadly to say that we are all so deeply entrenched in subjective attachments and various matters arising from the mind and thinking of “I’m right and You are wrong”. Will there be any rights and wrongs? If I have to say something…I guess both parties are in the wrong.
Let Wisdom guides our emotions
Humans are emotional beings but that doesn’t means we are almost being control over emotions. It’s a matter of how we can manage emotions. Our lives revolves around emotions. Emotions often control the way we think, the way we act and the way we express ourselves. Emotions such as happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy are our constant companion in our lives. Without wisdom guiding us, temper tantrums, rage, tears and jealousy cannot really help us to solve problems. When we get too emotional, it makes things unpleasant for ourselves and those we do care around us.
How to be magnanimous and tolerant
There’s is a story about a young man who was very quick tempered. He would always be infuriated with other people’s remarks. One day as usual, he was angered and went to confide in an elder who did not say much but poured him a glass of water. In the water, he added a ladle of salt and asked the young man to taste it. The young man had a sip and said “It’s so salty!”
The elder merely smiled and led the young man to a lake. There he did the same thing and poured a ladle of salt into the lake and gave it to the young man asking him if the water was salty.
The young man replied
“No, it’s not.”
The old man said
“The lake is vast and open. That is why you could hardly taste the salt even though the same amount of salt was put in. Young man, when you have a big and open heart, trivial things will not bother you anymore. Be as a lake and not a cup”
Many people may feel that there are many things vexing in life. We often feel that something someone said is infuriating. If a person only has the capacity of a cup, then trivial things that people did and said will influence his emotions but if the person’s has the openness of a lake, then these very same things that people said and did would not have an effect of the person. Therefore have a open heart and be magnanimous and tolerant.
As the sayings goes “A word can make or break a nation”. We always have opportunities to talk…However, it is not easy for us to say really meaningful things. Speech is the easiest means to create negative karma because it is not easy for us to say good things or speaking the truth. That’s why the reason for us to have only one mouth but two ears is because we should listen more and talk less. Hence we have to be careful of what we speak. Or else the person we care about will be hurt and may sink into depression.
You get angry with yourself and affecting others whom you treasure
Have you ever give a thought of yourself who you are? Actually you are the one that allows yourself to be angry. If you get angry and furious with your children, in the end is you yourself getting hurt and angry. When you are punishing your children, in the end is you yourself being punish. When your parents are in some kind of pain, actually is you who will feel the pain. When you know something deep enough, other people’s happiness and sufferings are not just by one person alone. Those who care and treasure will thus be affected as well.
When you have realize this, we wouldn’t put the blame on others but we should put in rationality and wisdom to solve problems.
A path with heart
The thirteenth century zen master said “To practice meditation is to study the self.” Each of us struggles with emotional blockages and sometimes regresses in negatively familiar situations or we struggle with our confidence. These less than ideal reactions occur and recur when we are negligent of our inner selves. If we have reflect our inner selves first, is there a reason of getting angry? Regrettably how often have we do this way?
When there are path, there will be people and bound to be disputes, differing viewpoint and criticisms. If one takes to heart others’ critical opinions. One will suffer and lose one’s own stand. In the end, one will lose even the purpose of one’s own life. Is it not the saddest thing when one becomes the slave of others’ opinions?
A person will get agitated due to impatience without knowing something and anger will thus be follow up in later part. Once things are over and having ourselves calm down, we feel that we are quite happy to indulge in it. Why is that so? It’s through this experience of ours and from here regardless of setbacks or what, there are always certain things to gain from. The 7th century Nalanda scholar Chandrakirti points out the faults of impatience and advantages of patience in the entrance to the middle way
One moment of hating a bodhisattva destroys
The virtues arising from giving and ethics
Accumulated for a hundred eons.
Thus there can be no worse misdeed than impatience.
It creates an ugly form, leads to what is not excellent,
And robs discrimination that knows right and wrong.
Through impatience one is quickly cast into lower realms.
Patience creates qualities opposite to those explained above.
Through patience comes beauty, dearness
To the holy beings, skill in discriminating between
Right and wrong, birth afterwards as human
Or god and the extinguishment of non-virtues
Everything comes from the mind
Anger, rooted in ignorance, is something that can be reduced and eventually eliminated through cultivating our mind. If we come to be convinced about its harmfulness and the possibility of freeing ourselves of it, we would be highly motivated to being working on it. Next time when there are certain matters roses upon, it all our choice to choose of not to get angry (你可以不生气).
Just give a thought about it, being angry is really no laughing matter…You better get serious about keeping yourself happy and smiling! As the sayings goes….A Journey of a Thousand Smiles Begins With One Little Trot 🙂
***Disclaimer*** The above blog only reflects my subjective views and experiences that I’ve been through, and is not meant to be taken as a purposeful endorsement about or discussion against any particular person or organization. All these are merely serve as a related online resource for further referencing.