This story which i would like to share here is kind of interesting. The 1st generation mist guardian wanted his version of the Vongola family is unparrelled strength and ruthlessness, enough to defeat any and all enemies. He wants to mold and goes on to battle them, in order to mold them into the type of people he wants them to be.
In the end by saying that you possess so much power, yet you reject the idea of ruling by strength. Which he doesn’t understand..Guess what was Sawada Tsunayoshi replied? “I want the power to protect my friends. The power to create a future where I can laugh with my friends. If I can’t do that, then I don’t need the inheritance. If that’s the Vongola tradition, I’ll destroy it myself!” In the previous of testing his resolve by the other generations bosses, He thought he will be willing to do anything to protect everyone…but if this is what it means…He doesn’t need this power! If it means to inheriting their sins, he will..destroy the Vongola!
He thought he will be willing to do anything to protect everyone. This statement had already attracted me of regarding an issue that have been bothering me all the while with an incident with my friend. After giving myself some thought, did my friend attack me while I’ve been wanting to know something but yet my friend was keeping a secret of doing of what is best for me not to know. Scare of the implication i might have..The answer is no..and yet I’m the one who launch the attack secretly.
At that point of time of writing my thoughts, never do I mean and falsely accused my friend. I did carefully try to make sure of not to state too much (because of various reasons, like privacy etc). Yet I didn’t realise that when others might read it and without knowing of what’s going on, the contents and the meanings are totally different from what I’ve thought, this is my wrongdoing despite of being very careful on my part. The words that was said against me was out of spite of anger plus disappointment and yet I was deeply hurt by not understanding me in some way.
In the first place why am I deeply hurt? The reasons are :
Did my friend really thinks that I’m that kind of person that was being mention at me?
Have I carry some motives behind all these while? Am I that sort of person?
Most important is that never before does anyone or anybody mention those things that my friend had said to me…It was a shocked event to me.
Up untill this moment that I’m so deeply bound with the meaning of those words and not the context of a hidden agenda behind those words that was used against me. In the initial stage I’m feeling sad and disappointed as am I being all along portray as this kind of character but in another way have I been thinking of the words are actually the retaliation of what was being used against my falsely accused statement (which it wasn’t really never intended to, due to my carelessness).
After some time of settling down, I believe that everyone who read this agrees that I did launch the attack mode first but have someone thought of why am I feel this way? It was the anxiety that was being build up and subsequently lead to anger. Being bottling up in my heart and no where to go (just don’t know how to open up my heart to others), this is the one that was being choose to release to. I guess my belief system is something like the sentence that mention “thought he will be willing to do anything to protect everyone.” Without anything being known and can’t do anything much, how helpless can it really be? This is not correct channel to releasing the anxiety that was being build up as the possibility dates are coming closer and should be done spiritually..too bad I’ve not thought so in the first place.
Just a thought from here, I didn’t meant any offenses to anybody…especially my friend. I wonder does my friend had really felt the anxiety that was bottled up inside me? The feelings of worried and don’t know what’s going to happen next? I really doesn’t want and don’t bear to see when a certain things happen due to misfortune or unlucky…later if a person want to regret then it will be too late…Or am I really wrong to think of this : “thought he will be willing to do anything to protect everyone.”?
As the saying goes “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” by Mahatma Gandhi…Does my reaction justifiable for the anxiety that was being build up? Did I intentionally or unintentionally by putting my thoughts here was a means to falsely accuse someone. If this was the method of channeling my anger back, won’t my friend feel frustrated of the things that was being typed here injustice wrong and false? From the point of view for karma. When we receive harm, an action of harm we have created in the past has ripened. If we strike back in vengeance, we plant a new seed to again receive harm in the future. What would that accomplish?
Am I being all along thinking of how selfish for the hurt and pain I was receiving…being portrayed by those words being used by someone. Did I spare any thought of my friend? If I’m still holding the pain and hurt, what was the reason of clinging onto the past? If I’m not really that type of person whom was being said by my friend due to anger, why shouldn’t I be able to let it go? Why am I holding onto the unreal words that were being used? I really don’t understand at all…And who will know the suffering and the pain I had been going through? Nobody knows except me…
If only I can be a little smarter when misery falls upon me, and quickly relegate psychological hurt to the past. If I view misfortune and unluckly as a natural part of life and accept it as such, misery would never be victorious, even though it would still cling to me…wondering of how to become like a requiem rain and a blessed shower…that settles conflict and washes everything away
This will be the final chapter that I will had to say because it’s really unfair that I kept on thinking of the pain by the words of my friend have used on me but yet I HAD FAILED to understand on my friend side as well…the pain and betrayal etc. It must had felt really terrible…If I can relate all these as a form of a test. Haiz well all I can say is that I HAD FAILED miserably.
Continue another time when I have finish rearranging my thoughts….
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
***All these communications are not in any intention of my mind written in electronic form or means taken as a endorsement about or discussion against any particular person. It was served in a form of sharing in goodwill and certainly was not used to discrimination of anyone. Any inconvenience caused is regretted to whom which my subjective views and experiences which I’ve been through may cause any discomfort or in anyway. The kind attention would be greatly appreciated. ***
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
